A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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