Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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