I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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