he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
