I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
