If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
