I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
