sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
