a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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