I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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