maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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