I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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