I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
