I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
