I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
