Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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