Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
