You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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