smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
