i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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