Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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