found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
