Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
