I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
