dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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