I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
