You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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