you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
