Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
