I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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