How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
