All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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