so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
