So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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