I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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