you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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