I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
