just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
