OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
