What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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