Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
