we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
