Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have aggressive nipples.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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