Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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