ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
