So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
