If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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