Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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