I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
