guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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