i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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