yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
