don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Michael Bay diarrhea
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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