Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
