Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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