I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
