This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
