I hate your face
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
