You can't motorboat a personality
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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