i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
