he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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