If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
