no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize