capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
