Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
