You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
