he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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