Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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