I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
