someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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