At least make sure they are 18
Why
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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