A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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