is wine microwaveable?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
