absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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