she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
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im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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