Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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